As Chicago divorce lawyers, we have seen our share of contested divorces among couples who cannot seem to get along under any circumstances. We get it. Divorce is never an easy thing. Oftentimes, the events that lead to divorce cause irreparable friction. But it has been our experience that even contested divorces do not have to be contentious.
A contested divorce is one in which one party does not agree with either the divorce itself or the proposed settlement from the other party. Contested divorces are normal. In such cases, it is up to the two parties to work things out through their attorneys. Unfortunately, this is often where the contested portion of a divorce becomes contentious.
We have witnessed contentious couples fight one another tooth and nail. It’s not good. The contention is not good for them individually, and it is certainly not good for their kids. As experienced divorce lawyers who have seen it all, we try to encourage our clients to avoid being contentious.
Let Us Do the Talking
We believe there are four key things clients can do to avoid turning a contested divorce into a contentious one. The first and most important is to let us do the talking. You have hired us for a reason. Let us do our jobs on your behalf. We are your representative throughout the entire proceeding.
Now that you have a divorce attorney working for you, there’s really no need for you to communicate with your spouse about the divorce proceeding. We communicate with your spouse’s attorney on your behalf. The same goes for your spouse’s attorney. Basically, our attorneys act as a buffer between you and your spouse. Letting us communicate for you eliminates a lot of opportunities for unnecessary contention.
Set Reasonable Goals
Contention during divorce proceedings is sometimes caused by one or both spouses setting unreasonable goals. If you are demanding too much for example, your spouse might feel like you are trying to take advantage of the situation. Expect a contentious response.
Understand that it’s rare for both parties in a divorce to get everything they want. There just isn’t enough to go around. You’re going to have to compromise on some things, so plan on it. Setting reasonable goals helps and will make compromise easier.
Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes
If children are involved, it’s vitally important to put yourself in their shoes. Many divorcing parents believe they are doing so when, in fact, they aren’t. Instead, they are using their children as a weapon against the other party.
When you put yourself in your child’s shoes, you’re imagining what it must be like for them to watch you and your spouse split up. You are empathizing with their heartbreak and relating to their fears. You are trying to understand what it feels like to know that the two people you love most don’t love each other anymore. If you can grab hold of your child’s heart and mind, you are less likely to be contentious.
Continue Living Your Life
Finally, you can avoid contention by not allowing your life to revolve solely around the divorce proceedings. Go live your life. Spend quality time with your kids; go out with friends; start doing everything you plan to do once the divorce is complete. Living your life will provide a healthy amount of distraction that goes a long way toward avoiding pent-up anger and frustration.
Divorces can be contested without being contentious. The key is your mindset. We can help you by providing top-notch legal representation from start to finish. Only you can decide to not be contentious.
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